Befriending anger

We often confuse anger with rage. Due to various reasons many of us grow up without a healthy relationship with anger and learn to either suppress it or react blindly when it arises. This may be due to traumatic experiences that forced us to disassociate from painful emotions or simply because our life circumstances didn’t provide the space and tools necessary for communicating our needs in a healthy way.

It’s also important to voice your opinion about things that are important to you and recognize that your feelings and wellbeing matter just as much as anyone else’s.

A telltale sign of rage is the desire to seek revenge. At the low end of the spectrum it can manifest itself through something as subtle as passive-aggressive behaviour while at the high end of the spectrum it can lead to physical violence. The good news is there are many activities that allow us to discharge this energy. Examples include resistance based activities such as swimming, martial arts, boxing and weight training. You can also benefit from things like walking on the ground in bare feet, having cold showers/dips and even jumping on a trampoline. At any degree (but particularly at the higher end) it can be very helpful to seek counselling or therapy to help you find your voice and develop a more balanced relationship with your emotions.

Examples of healthy anger include non-violent communication and the setting of personal boundaries (such as saying “I don’t feel heard right now” or “I feel unsafe when...” or “I need you to respect my personal space”). It’s also important to voice your opinion about things that are important to you and recognize that your feelings and wellbeing matter just as much as anyone else’s. And of course avoiding toxic people and situations whenever possible is also a good idea.